Article in Balans, a magazine about autism

for parents and healthcare professionals

Read about the connection between autism and gender dysphoria in this article.

American Autist and stay-at-home mother Tar-Míriel explains the connection between autism and gender dysphoria in 'Gender Rebels'. Online, there is a harmful victim hierarchy that hinders growth and freedom for girls.

Increasing feelings of unease

The current Generation Z, which grew up with smartphones, reports increasing feelings of unease. Girls invariably lead the way in this regard. Think of loneliness, self-harm, eating disorders, anxiety, and depression. How is that possible, in an era when we have everything we want, in a country where girls can study whatever they want?

Bullying and body shaming

I mentor a teenage girl myself. I interviewed her first for my book because I saw how she suffers from bullying, body shaming, male classmates calling girls 'cancer whores,' and online pressure to be a perfect beauty. In therapy, she learns to discuss her fears, with the pitfall that she sometimes gets stuck too much in her feelings.

External requirements prevail

Then there are the countless hours spent on social media each day, where girls study photoshopped women and nine-year-olds receive makeup lessons. The allure of plastic surgery also plays a role. Consider twenty-somethings getting Botox or having their vulva lips 'trimmed,' because no one knows anymore what a vulva looks like that hasn't been photoshopped. Demands to look perfect dominate in the 'me-era' and force girls into a very limited, 'feminine' role.

Deviating has become more difficult

Girls who don't fit in because they are tough, want to wear short hair, are socially awkward, or are questioning their sexual preference, have an even harder time. 'Being different' has become more difficult than it was in my youth, in the early eighties. For example, they now get asked a question that didn't even exist back then: 'Are you a boy?' That makes them doubt themselves even further, precisely during puberty, when the search for your identity is central.

You are okay just the way you are

I remember well how difficult it was to find your place on your own. In my book Gender Rebels I want to encourage our insecure girls with the old-fashioned feminist message: you are okay just the way you are. Your body is beautiful; no one is born in the wrong body. You may behave and dress however you want: pink on Monday and blue on Tuesday, regardless of your gender or sex.

Teach boys respect

Tips I learned from experts who contributed to the book: staring at your phone less, visiting a friend, walking the dog, reading a good book, getting some exercise; it all helps you feel better. Unfortunately, our world is still full of misogyny, sexual violence, and discrimination, and every girl has to learn to deal with that. Parents can organise boxing lessons, teach girls to ask bystanders for help in times of danger, and remind them that they are beautiful. That also boosts their confidence. Top tip: teach boys to treat girls with respect.

Gender identity

I felt it was important to gather as broad a range of opinions as possible. So, in Gender Rebels, you read about the perspectives of Black girls, girls with disabilities, lesbian girls. As a teenager I wanted to be a boy for a while and later I called myself queer to escape gender constraints and feel freer. It has long been known that for some girls, there is a connection between gender dysphoria (discomfort regarding your own gender and body) and autism. As the daughter of an autistic mother, I had to give autism a place in this book. But how? I wanted a younger person to talk about her own autism and gender identities.

My own world

While searching I came across a subject I was unaware of, presumably just like most adults. For twenty years millions of young women and girls have been writing and reading fiction online about specific novel, film, or music heroes. It is called fanfiction and is primarily gay, like Harry Potter getting into a relationship with his 'enemy' Draco. Google 'Drarry' and you get four million hits! For the first time in history, minors have created their own world without the support or supervision of adults. Nice, but it has also led to excesses and exclusion.

Weird nerd women

I found an American woman who calls herself Autistic and had been active in this fan fiction world for fifteen years. Over the course of months, I kept asking her new questions, to which I received long, detailed answers. I am immensely proud that I was able to help her write an extremely interesting chapter in this way. She analyses very lovingly the online development of her fellow 'weird nerd women'. She honestly explains that it is primarily very sensitive, obsessively neurotic women who participate. They are afraid of rejection, yet join in rejecting others as hard as they can. This fuels a culture of insecurity and fear regarding 'purity'. We learn that the current practice of 'cancelling' someone whose opinion you don't like started online.

Victim hierarchy

Many fan fiction participants identify as 'different' after a difficult childhood. From 2015 onwards, these girls' communities gained momentum due to the widespread adoption of social media. The result was a rise in identifying as a man, gay man, or trans man. New rituals such as sharing pronouns (she/he/it) began here, as part of self-presentation and role-play.

The American woman explains how, after 'trans', autism became an online identity, followed by ADHD. By now, anyone can participate in the victim hierarchy through self-diagnosis. Reporting a developmental disorder, just like being trans, means that you are more special, more creative, and more moral.

If this analysis fascinates you, I guarantee you will enjou her full text in Gender Rebels.

Read more about the book Gender Rebels and about Sybilla Claus here. You can already read a chapter from the book, and you will find references to other articles and interesting books about girls' online behavior, growing up in today's world, and gender issues.